Here with the Weather Forecast for those of you Traveling to CrAzY Town is Grammy Mary
For those of you being Driven In on I&A Way, it’s Raining Cats & Dogs, but once you get past Ben Dover Road it eases off to just a Few Poodles.
If you’re taking the Train….. Ozzy has just informed me that he is Almost Topped Off with his GO Juice! The Tracks are Clear and you should arrive right on schedule.
Finally, if you are Flying In on Cuckoo’s Nest Airlines, there appears to be quite a bit of Turbulence Over the Belfry due to the Bats feeling a bit agitated this morning, but you should experience Smooth Sailing once you get Over the Rainbow.
I hope to See You Soon….. I’ll leave the Door Unlocked & The Lights On….. but I probably won’t be Home
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs.
The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend, and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Audrey doing?”
She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She’s always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too hung over.”
Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.”
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired back,
“That’s a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I’ve worked really hard for my grades! I’ve invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!”
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the conservative side of the fence.”
If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!
If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one.
If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and Jesus silenced.
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a conservative reads this, he’ll share it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he’s/she’s “offended.”
THIS JUST IN…… Details are Sketchy (and so are the participants)
From what this Reporter is able to gather, This morning, A half asleep, unsuspecting, sweet little old lady stepped into a Cyber-room and was Shot for Impersonating a Duck! Yes, you read that right…. A DUCK! This Reporter is unsure how Eeyore Footie Pajamas even Remotely resemble a Duck….. and I haven’t had an opportunity to interview the culprit yet…… but that’s beside the point….. I’ll make up something by the time this goes to Press….. something to do with Demon Weed…… that should stir the masses!
Back to the story….. Witnesses state that the Sweet Little Old Lady retaliated with a shot of her own but unfortunately, it was only a flesh wound and the culprit was able to escape to another Chatroom. By the time the S.L.O.L. was able to catch up with him, she had found that he had met up with a cohort who supplied him with fresh ammo and then ducked for cover….. (the lily livered varment) apparently hoping to just Hide & Watch the Carnage that was about to Ensue!
This is where things get sketchy….. according to Witness Statements….. the UnImaginable Happened….. this S.L.O.L. whipped out TWO Rapid Fire Nerf Guns and Opened Fire, nailing the Two Culprits and several innocent bystanders as she dove behind the couch! Oh the Humanities….. Chatters Scrambling Willy-Nilly for Cover…… Most unsure of what was going on….. and a few (you know the ones) that just sat there and watched….. with nary an “Eh” muttered.
At this time, no Real Injuries have been Reported…. the Instigator can be seen sipping his coffee and firing up his bubbler (I KNEW that Demon Weed was involved!)….. his Cohort seems to be looking for Another Pot to Stir…… the other chatters have settled back down to their regular Clicketty-Clack…… and from behind the couch, a muted “Fuck’n Meow” can be heard. When this Reporter ventured over to the couch to see if there was Anything I could do….. the only reply I got was “I’m FINE…..Just Bring Me My Fuck’n Crayons & a Blanket…..”
As I Report this to You, I wonder…… could this be an indication of what is to come…… could this be the Beginning of the End…… or the Beginning of the Beguine? Perhaps it’s too soon to tell…..but rest assured, This Reporter Will Not Rest until I find out How Eeyore Footie Jammies Look Like a DUCK!
Now, Back to your Regularly Scheduled Scrolling……. Film @ 11
I See SO Many People Trying SO Hard to Convince Others of How WRONG They Are…. In Their Thoughts, In Their Words, In Their Deeds….. TELLING Them that They MUST Follow The Leader….. and They would Take It Upon Themselves to LEAD the Masses.
Well, I Don’t WANT or NEED a “Leader”….. but a Light would be Handy. You See, A “Leader” doesn’t care if there’s Light…. The “Leader” Knows The Way (so they say)….. and will DRAG You, if necessary, through Mud & Muck & Brambles…. Over Burning Coals & Broken Glass & Jagged Rocks….. For Your Own Good, of course, to Reach THEIR Goal….. (toughen up buttercup, cuts & bruises & broken bones build character). Oh, and if that “Goal” turns out to be a Shyte-Hole…. well, Be Prepared to “Take One for The Team” ’cause Your Name just Changed to “ScapeGoat”…..
Now, A Light also Doesn’t CARE How Many Obstacles are In The Way…… It just Does It’s Job by Illuminating the Area so You can Pick Your OWN Path. A Light Really doesn’t have a Goal Either except to SHINE….. oh sure, sometimes that Light needs a Little Help from others….. you know, Flipping a Switch or Pushing a Button…… but seriously, A Light is Perfectly Content with either Resting or Shining….. because That’s What It Does…. and it’s Good with That.
So, The Next Time Someone “Offers” to Be My Leader…. I don’t know about the rest of Y’all…. but I’m simply gonna ask…… “Hey Buddy, Ya Got a Light?” (PuffPuffPass Don’tcha Know 😉 )